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Jokes/Funny Stuff - HSN forum - Page 2

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Jokes/Funny Stuff


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#21 Ally

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Posted 06 November 2004 - 04:06 PM

lol... good one Fearfactor

----------------

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

#22 Ally

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Posted 07 November 2004 - 08:26 PM

Here goes:

---------------

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

---------------

What's the difference between a neurosurgeon and God?

God doesn't think he's a neurosurgeon.

---------------

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

---------------

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

---------------


Sorry... I'l stop with the bad jokes now. rolleyes.gif tongue.gif

#23 Shaun

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Posted 07 November 2004 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.


Is this true?!


#24 mr trousers

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Posted 08 November 2004 - 11:19 AM

QUOTE(Miss World @ Nov 5 2004, 03:06 PM)
hey these jokes are a bit wierd, i dont get many of them, and what are photns anyway?

but heres one: When does a school paper stop being a school paper?

A: when it turns into the teacher.

class man

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HAHAHA!!!! i get it! happened at my school....the teacher was hot though so no-one cared!! cool.gif

#25 Martin

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Posted 08 November 2004 - 05:05 PM

QUOTE(Laura @ Nov 8 2004, 04:58 PM)
QUOTE(bred2k4 @ Nov 8 2004, 03:49 PM)
not another one...

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lol, my sentiments exactly.....

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How many aberdeen uni students does it take to change a lightbulb??

none! the sheep prefer the dark!

my lecturer told us that one................. rolleyes.gif
"I'm not scared of dying... I just don't want to!"

#26 Lesley

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Posted 08 November 2004 - 05:22 PM

i still dont get that school teacher one...anyone fancy explaining!
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Cows are magnificent,
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#27 Laura

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Posted 08 November 2004 - 05:49 PM

QUOTE(lesley @ Nov 8 2004, 05:22 PM)
i still dont get that school teacher one...anyone fancy explaining!

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I think it's possibly one of those jokes which isn't actually funny in the slightest. Although of course I could be wrong........ tongue.gif

#28 Audrey

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Posted 09 November 2004 - 09:53 AM

Well heres a list of charming insults I found enjoy!

Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.

I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.

I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.

I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.


I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.


#29 strosek911

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Posted 09 November 2004 - 07:26 PM

this on e is so bad that it's kinda funny


what did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor???









where's my tractor????


so so bad

#30 Paul

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Posted 10 November 2004 - 01:24 PM

QUOTE(strosek911 @ Nov 9 2004, 07:26 PM)
this on e is so bad that it's kinda funny


what did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor???



where's my tractor???? 


so so bad

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huh.gif blink.gif dry.gif ?!?!
Rockness 2008!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!

#31 JiLL

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 06:52 PM

anyone got any funny jokes???
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#32 bred

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 07:52 PM

A ned walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to
the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".

The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year"

The ned looks at him says "You're having me on!"

The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"
Please vote for me! (Brendan Howard, 5th from bottom, only 1 vote required): http://answers.polld...m/poll/2330393/

#33 JiLL

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 07:57 PM

lol thats good!

knock knock........... tongue.gif
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#34 bred

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:00 PM

who's there?
Please vote for me! (Brendan Howard, 5th from bottom, only 1 vote required): http://answers.polld...m/poll/2330393/

#35 AmAnDa

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:03 PM

You can't keep us waiting like this. Come on who's there?!?! tongue.gif

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#36 AmAnDa

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:05 PM

QUOTE(bred @ Apr 5 2005, 07:52 PM)
A ned walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to
the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".

The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year"

The ned looks at him says "You're having me on!"

The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"

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I like it!!! tongue.gif Lol

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x..*...x....Amanda loves Craig....x...*..x
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#37 JiLL

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:07 PM

Jo .............

lol


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#38 bred

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:09 PM

Jo who?
Please vote for me! (Brendan Howard, 5th from bottom, only 1 vote required): http://answers.polld...m/poll/2330393/

#39 JiLL

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:12 PM

Jo King
biggrin.gif
hahaha!

that is how ridiculous my jokes are but sorry ppl but thats all i could think of!

Bred's was rly good tho tongue.gif biggrin.gif

Sorry mine was utter pish!

xx unsure.gif
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#40 AmAnDa

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Posted 05 April 2005 - 08:15 PM

Lol! Know need to worry! I can't even make mine that gd!! Lol!! I'm really not the joke telling type, I'm more the joke listening type!! blush.gif

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