One from my maths teacher: What king was good at fractions?
Henry the 8th
They don't have to be school subject related!
5
Jokes/Funny Stuff
Started by Shaun, Oct 29 2004 06:51 PM
727 replies to this topic
#1
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 06:51 PM
Anyone got any good jokes?
One from my maths teacher: What king was good at fractions?
Henry the 8th
They don't have to be school subject related!
One from my maths teacher: What king was good at fractions?
Henry the 8th
They don't have to be school subject related!
#2
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 07:28 PM
Trust a maths teacher, eh?! I'm useless with jokes but other people have sent me these:
Once upon a time, an American, a French, a Lebanese and a Chinese guy went up to the mountains to test what an echo sounds like.
After taking a very deep breath, the American shouted: ''Hello!'' The echo replied :"HELLO...HELLO...HELLO....."
Then, the French guy shouted:"SALUT!" The echo replied: "SALUT...SALUT...SALUT...."
Then, the Lebanese guy shouted: "MARHABA!" The echo replied "MARHABA...MARHABA...MARHABA..."
Finally, it was the Chinese guy's turn. So he shouted: "CHING FWAN SWOU!"
The echo replied:
"Say, what?"
And since it's coming up to the American presidential election, here's a little Bush joke:
Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
LOL I'm sure you've heard worse...
Once upon a time, an American, a French, a Lebanese and a Chinese guy went up to the mountains to test what an echo sounds like.
After taking a very deep breath, the American shouted: ''Hello!'' The echo replied :"HELLO...HELLO...HELLO....."
Then, the French guy shouted:"SALUT!" The echo replied: "SALUT...SALUT...SALUT...."
Then, the Lebanese guy shouted: "MARHABA!" The echo replied "MARHABA...MARHABA...MARHABA..."
Finally, it was the Chinese guy's turn. So he shouted: "CHING FWAN SWOU!"
The echo replied:
"Say, what?"
And since it's coming up to the American presidential election, here's a little Bush joke:
Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
LOL I'm sure you've heard worse...
"...You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise....
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
**Maya Angelou**
Si tu le fais, le fais bien ou ne le fais pas.
Against terrorism and in favour of peace.
Contra el terrorismo y a favor de la paz.
An eye for an eye will turn the world blind.
Ojo por ojo y el mundo acabará ciego.
~Gandhi~
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise....
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
**Maya Angelou**
Si tu le fais, le fais bien ou ne le fais pas.
Against terrorism and in favour of peace.
Contra el terrorismo y a favor de la paz.
An eye for an eye will turn the world blind.
Ojo por ojo y el mundo acabará ciego.
~Gandhi~
#3
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 07:43 PM
QUOTE
Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
Very good!
Heres another from from me:
Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other: 'How do you drive this thing?'.
So bad!
#4
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 08:03 PM
Here is another physics one,
Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
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A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"
heh...
Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
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A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"
heh...
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#5
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 08:04 PM
And another one....
Q: What did one photon say to the other photon?
------------------------------------------------------------
A: I'm sick and tired of your interference.
Q: What did one photon say to the other photon?
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A: I'm sick and tired of your interference.
`·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.· $ î m p l y _ ® ï ¢ h `·.¸¸.·´´¯`··._.·
#6
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 08:08 PM
And another one.......
Q. What did one electron say to the other electron?
---------------------------------------------------------------
A. Don't get excited. You'll only get into a state!
Hahahahahah
I didnt make these up btw , just incase u were wonderin..
I think these are enough lol
Q. What did one electron say to the other electron?
---------------------------------------------------------------
A. Don't get excited. You'll only get into a state!
Hahahahahah
I didnt make these up btw , just incase u were wonderin..
I think these are enough lol
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#7
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 08:30 PM
Lol!
#8
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- Interests:was at Glasgow Uni Studying Maths, Physics and Geography for a year but got bored of it and decided to go to Strathclyde and do Maths with Teaching, currently enjoying my summer holidays before starting 2nd year in september!<br /><br />grades achieved at school were:<br /><br />SG Maths - 1<br />SG Physics - 1<br />SG Graphics - 1<br />SG Admin - 1<br />SG German - 2<br />SG Geography - 2<br />SG English - 2<br />SG Art - 2<br />H Maths - B<br />H Physics - B<br />H English - B<br />H Art - A<br />H Accounts - A<br />H Admin - A<br />AH Maths - A<br />AH Art - C<br /><br />Music...wot would I do without it!? Kaiser Chiefs, Killers, Razorlight, Franz Ferdinand, Editors, Arctic Monkeys, Maximo Park, Hard-Fi, Greenday, Stereophonics, Oasis, Kasabian, Raconteurs, Dirty Pretty Things, Libertines... I could go on all day!<br /><br />Moderator for HSN so don't hesitate to get in touch!
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 09:18 PM
What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?
If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.
If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.
If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.
If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.
If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.
If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.
Rockness 2008!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!
#9
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- Interests:was at Glasgow Uni Studying Maths, Physics and Geography for a year but got bored of it and decided to go to Strathclyde and do Maths with Teaching, currently enjoying my summer holidays before starting 2nd year in september!<br /><br />grades achieved at school were:<br /><br />SG Maths - 1<br />SG Physics - 1<br />SG Graphics - 1<br />SG Admin - 1<br />SG German - 2<br />SG Geography - 2<br />SG English - 2<br />SG Art - 2<br />H Maths - B<br />H Physics - B<br />H English - B<br />H Art - A<br />H Accounts - A<br />H Admin - A<br />AH Maths - A<br />AH Art - C<br /><br />Music...wot would I do without it!? Kaiser Chiefs, Killers, Razorlight, Franz Ferdinand, Editors, Arctic Monkeys, Maximo Park, Hard-Fi, Greenday, Stereophonics, Oasis, Kasabian, Raconteurs, Dirty Pretty Things, Libertines... I could go on all day!<br /><br />Moderator for HSN so don't hesitate to get in touch!
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 09:18 PM
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'
Rockness 2008!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!
#10
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- Interests:was at Glasgow Uni Studying Maths, Physics and Geography for a year but got bored of it and decided to go to Strathclyde and do Maths with Teaching, currently enjoying my summer holidays before starting 2nd year in september!<br /><br />grades achieved at school were:<br /><br />SG Maths - 1<br />SG Physics - 1<br />SG Graphics - 1<br />SG Admin - 1<br />SG German - 2<br />SG Geography - 2<br />SG English - 2<br />SG Art - 2<br />H Maths - B<br />H Physics - B<br />H English - B<br />H Art - A<br />H Accounts - A<br />H Admin - A<br />AH Maths - A<br />AH Art - C<br /><br />Music...wot would I do without it!? Kaiser Chiefs, Killers, Razorlight, Franz Ferdinand, Editors, Arctic Monkeys, Maximo Park, Hard-Fi, Greenday, Stereophonics, Oasis, Kasabian, Raconteurs, Dirty Pretty Things, Libertines... I could go on all day!<br /><br />Moderator for HSN so don't hesitate to get in touch!
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 09:19 PM
Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'
Rockness 2008!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!
T in the Park 2008!
YAS!
#11
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Posted 29 October 2004 - 09:41 PM
Q. what did the plumber say to his wife?
A. Its over Flo
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The man who invented the hokey pokey died last week aged 93. There was a lot of trouble getting him into the coffin. It all started when they put his left leg in...
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A frog phones a psychic hotline and is told
" You're going to meet a beautiful, young girl who'll want to know everything about you"
" Great," says the frog. "Will I meet her at a party or what?"
" No," says the psychic. "Next term in biology"
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Did you know diarrhoea's hereditary?
It runs in your genes
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just a few from me
A. Its over Flo
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The man who invented the hokey pokey died last week aged 93. There was a lot of trouble getting him into the coffin. It all started when they put his left leg in...
------------------------------------------------
A frog phones a psychic hotline and is told
" You're going to meet a beautiful, young girl who'll want to know everything about you"
" Great," says the frog. "Will I meet her at a party or what?"
" No," says the psychic. "Next term in biology"
------------------------------------------------
Did you know diarrhoea's hereditary?
It runs in your genes
------------------------------------------------
just a few from me
#12
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Posted 30 October 2004 - 12:49 PM
I like bad jokes. So here's a few.
Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff
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Q. What's blue and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
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Q. What's red and fluffy?
A. Murdered pink fluff.
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Q. What's green and red and goes one hundred miles an hour?
A. A frog in a food processor.
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Q. What's green and red and brown and goes one hundred miles an hour?
A. The same frog a week later.
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Q. What has a red nose and lives in a test tube?
A. Bozo the clone
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Q. What did Hitler say to his troops before they got into their tanks?
A. "Men... Get into your tanks."
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Hahaha, this one is quite sad but I nearly wet myself when I heard it...
Q. What's black and screams?
A. Stevie Wonder answering the iron
DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME KAY!
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And that is all for today.
Q. What's pink and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff
---------------
Q. What's blue and fluffy?
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
--------------
Q. What's red and fluffy?
A. Murdered pink fluff.
---------------
Q. What's green and red and goes one hundred miles an hour?
A. A frog in a food processor.
---------------
Q. What's green and red and brown and goes one hundred miles an hour?
A. The same frog a week later.
---------------
Q. What has a red nose and lives in a test tube?
A. Bozo the clone
---------------
Q. What did Hitler say to his troops before they got into their tanks?
A. "Men... Get into your tanks."
---------------
Hahaha, this one is quite sad but I nearly wet myself when I heard it...
Q. What's black and screams?
A. Stevie Wonder answering the iron
DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME KAY!
-----------------
And that is all for today.
#13
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Posted 31 October 2004 - 06:39 PM
HAHAHAHA!!Crap jokes are so awesome.
This is my favourite joke ever;
There were two sausages in a frying pan. The first sausage says "Cor blimey, it's hot in here, innit?".
The second sausage says "HOLY CRAP A TALKING SAUSAGE!!"
---
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
Cos she had no arms.
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Why did the baby drop it's lollipop?
It got hit by a bus.
---
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
@
#14
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Posted 31 October 2004 - 06:54 PM
QUOTE
Hahaha, this one is quite sad but I nearly wet myself when I heard it...
Q. What's black and screams?
A. Stevie Wonder answering the iron
DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME KAY!
Q. What's black and screams?
A. Stevie Wonder answering the iron
DON'T BLAME ME, BLAME KAY!
I think that's the best joke I've ever heard!
#15
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Posted 02 November 2004 - 06:34 PM
What did the traffic lights say to the car?
Don't look -- I'm changing!
Don't look -- I'm changing!
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Posted 05 November 2004 - 03:06 PM
hey these jokes are a bit wierd, i dont get many of them, and what are photns anyway?
but heres one: When does a school paper stop being a school paper?
A: when it turns into the teacher.
class man
but heres one: When does a school paper stop being a school paper?
A: when it turns into the teacher.
class man
#17
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Posted 05 November 2004 - 05:59 PM
I don't get it...lol
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Posted 05 November 2004 - 07:11 PM
Yeah, I don't get the school paper one either :/
@
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Posted 05 November 2004 - 07:12 PM
A bit below the belt:
How are michael jackson and the ps2 related?
They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on!!!
How are michael jackson and the ps2 related?
They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on!!!
#20
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Posted 06 November 2004 - 03:37 PM
Hahaha...
I'm still trying to work out the school paper one. =/
I'm still trying to work out the school paper one. =/
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